Sunday, June 18, 2017

I Do Not Help My Wife

This is a great read - the title is deceiving!!

A friend came to my house for coffee, we sat and talked about life. At some point in the conversation, I said, “I’m going to wash the dishes and I’ll be right back.”

He looked at me as if I had told him I was going to build a space rocket. Then he said to me with admiration but a little perplexed: “I’m glad you help your wife, I do not help because when I do, my wife does not praise me. Last week I washed the floor and no thanks.”
I went back to sit with him and explained that I did not “help” my wife. Actually, my wife does not need help, she needs a partner. I am a partner at home and through that society are divided functions, but it is not a “help” to do household chores.
I do not help my wife clean the house because I live here too and I need to clean it too.
I do not help my wife to cook because I also want to eat and I need to cook too.
I do not help my wife wash the dishes after eating because I also use those dishes.
I do not help my wife with her children because they are also my children and my job is to be a father.
I do not help my wife to wash, spread or fold clothes, because the clothes are also mine and my children.
I am not a help at home, I am part of the house. And as for praising, I asked my friend when was the last time after his wife finished cleaning the house, washing clothes, changing bed sheets, bathing her children, cooking, organizing, etc. You said thank you.
But a thank you of the type: Wow, sweetheart !!! You are fantastic!!!
Does that seem absurd to you? Are you looking strange? When you, once in a lifetime, cleaned the floor, you expected in the least, a prize of excellence with great glory…why? You never thought about that, my friend?
Maybe because for you, the macho culture has shown that everything is her job.
Perhaps you have been taught that all this must be done without having to move a finger? Then praise her as you wanted to be praised, in the same way, with the same intensity. Give her a hand, behave like a true companion, not as a guest who only comes to eat, sleep, bathe and satisfy needs…Feel at home. In his house.
The real change of our society begins in our homes, let us teach our sons and daughters the real sense of fellowship!

My husband says this to me all the time!! 
Happy Fathers Day to the most amazing man alive!!


  1. Love this post. My husband sees things that need to be done and does them. We have a division of labour that is mutually agreeable and each does his/her thing. We own this home and both are retired from our other jobs now. Retirement is wonderful with this man.

  2. Hello, Debbie! What a great post. I agree change is taught at home with our sons and daughters. Hubby and I share all the chores at home. I know from all your post, that Chuck is fantastic too. Happy Father's Day to your hubby!

  3. Lovely, wise post!!!

    Happily, I am blessed to be married (59 years this Nov.), to a wonderful man too. We too, are partners. There is no "her work" and "his work," in this house.

    And our children behave the same way.

    Yes, our gift to the world. :-)

    Gentle hugs,
    Luna Crone

  4. Hahaha - this is so true! I remember many years ago when Greg washed the kitchen floor he mentioned to friends that he helped me out - I just looked at him and asked "Really, is it MY kitchen floor, then?" That pretty much ended that. Now that I get home from work later than he does, he's learning to cook. I'm lucky to have a partner!

  5. Wow Debbie, That was so great!!! So distinctly said. I think this is what makes a great marriage. I know that its true in my house. Thanks so much. Have a wonderful day!

  6. Fantastic! That element of 'partnership' that we all hope to find in a marriage and hopefully one that becomes more apparent and the norm with the generations to come.

  7. What a great post.

    Happy Father's Day Wishes

    All the best Jan

  8. Yes, we crossed that bridge a long time ago. I remember the feeling of seeing it all from a new perspective. Mothers who do everything for their sons are such a bad influence!

  9. I do not help my wife wash the dishes after eating because I'm actually quite terrible at it and it's really for the best.

  10. Love, love, love this post, Debbie. Perfectly said! I hope your wonderful husband had a lovely Father's Day.

  11. That is so true. I love this (and I'm lucky too. ). We've always been partners ... and that wasn't really the way most men thought 60 years ago, believe me. My sweet husband learned it on his own!

  12. It's funny I grew up with a Mom that did stuff around the house, didn't work outside the house and my Dad went out and made the money. My hubby grew up in a home with his mom and sisters, Dad wasn't in the home. When we got married I worked until I got pregnant and then we decided that I would stay home and I went into the role my mom did, I do stuff around the house, well except fixing things, thankfully I married a handy man, and he made the money, he does help with things when I ask but I don't ask much, I guess I figure he has to go away and work for 8 hours the least I can do is do the work around the house. My daughter is quite the opposite, first thing they got married she sat down with her hubby and split the chores evenly, but they also both work. I totally understand when both work outside the home that they need to split what needs to be done around the house, but since I don't work outside the home taking care of it I feel is my job :) I guess I am a weird one.

  13. I am lucky to be married to a man who thanks me and does his part without expectations.

  14. That was an amazing post. You do have an awesome husband and I see clearly the love between the two of you. I feel blessed also with an equal partner that does so much for me and for him. We do share all the same chores and etc. I loved all the help he gave with the children. I think we are so blessed by having great husbands. I am always grateful for Father's Day as a day to remember what a good man really is.
    Blessings and hugs for you two~